There is hope.

There are so many things on my heart lately.  This holiday season weighs heavily on me, because there are many people whom I love so much that I desperately want to choose life.
This life is so short.  It flies by with a speed that no one can predict.  Even if you live life until you are old and experienced, it is a short life.  We have such little time, and I wish there was a way that I could make this clearer.  We just don’t have long on this planet, but it seems we have much to do.
My family has been through so much.  On my husband’s side, on my side.  There is much pain and much to learn. I don’t know exactly where God is in it all of the time, but I know that He is.  He has to be.  He is the reason I rise and fall.  He is my hope for this night and tomorrow, and I will continue to lift up my last breath to Him.
Today one of my favorite people sang a song with me in church.  She sang, “There is none who’s loved me greater,”  and that is truly how I feel.  When my life is falling apart, when my marriage is hanging in the balance, when my heart is so heavy with the pain around me, I can sing to a God who is good.  I can lift the name of Jesus to the heavens and feel the goodness of His presence in my soul.  I am thankful.  I have nothing else but the love of Christ.
Wayne Jacobsen said, “When you realize sin doesn’t make you worthless, it just makes you lost, you will know God’s compassion for people caught in sin, not contempt for them.”  I love this.  We have this view of God that is so mean, so cruel and judgemental.  I don’t see Him this way.  The life of a Christ follower is not lived in fear or shame or judgement, it is lived in freedom, in hope, and with joy.  It is a good life.  People mess up the message of Jesus.  He is such a loving God.  He doesn’t condemn, but gives hope and new life.  For this I am so thankful.
I have many people to lift up in prayer.  First, my parents first born son, whom they love so much and their heart is breaking for.  I want to hand him hope and peace, but the truth is there is nothing I can do to offer him life except to love him.  To live out the life of Christ and offer him hope when he wants to receive it.  He’s got three kids who are ready.  They are ready for a dad who is willing to go to bat for them.  They want a parent who will put them first and show them how much they are loved.  I want so badly to step into that place for them, but I can’t.  I will never be the person they need as much as their own daddy.  Pray for him.  Pray that his heart is remade.  Pray that God does something in his life that only He can do.  This is my prayer.  I will keep praying it.  It’s one of the reasons I was placed on this Earth.
Why are you here?  Who should you step out in faith for?  Who do you despise so much that you are aren’t willing to pray for?  Lift up their name.  Forgiveness is not for the debtor, it is for you.  Let it go.  I wish I could take away the heart breaking pain that I see in so many faces.  I wish time could rewind and wrongs could be erased.  What now?  What do we do with this heart?  We lift it up.  We give it away.
My prayer is for you.  If you are reading these words, I pray that God will cauterize your wound.  Whether it is feeding your addiction, or your depression.  If your heart is breaking for someone who needs to know that there is goodness to have in this life.  Are you in a relationship that is hurtful or confusing?  I pray for you.  I want you to know that there is a place of freedom, and there is hope for those you love the most.


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