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I don't know what people need to hear.  I've tried to figure it out within my own family for so long and honestly, it seems like a crap shoot.  I'm not sure if that word is supposed to be hyphenated.  Crap-shoot.  The only thing I know that helps, is staying on the course.  Keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus.  He never disappoints. 

My life is pretty simple right now.  My husband works really hard at something he loves, and he loves us.  We sold our house and are staying with my parents while we figure out what is next, or where is next.  Houses seem pretty dumb when people you love are in pain.  I've got a roof over my head with my babies that I love so much and my family is a unit.  A precious unit. 

I'm really tired of drug and alcohol addiction and all of the stupidity that it brings.  I understand that I can't relate to how they are feeling.  Oh Lord, I do.  I know I can't shake it out of them or make someone just STOP.  But God I really want to.  I want the laziness of selfish living to vanish.  I want living in squalor to end.  I want to never again see suffering from children and parents who have no choice but to live with the consequences of drug addiction.  I hate it.  I hate it.  I hate it.

I keep thinking they must know that life can be good, but addiction causes a great blindness.  A thick veil of darkness over their lives.  Heartbreak.    

Today our pastor shared that we should "act our way into feeling, rather than feel our way into action."  In other words, do something about your life.  Good choices lead to a good life.  You can't just want something and long for it hoping it will come without action on your part.  I know this to be true.   

When I found out I was pregnant with Grace, I proceeded to make decisions that I did not want to make.   No matter what the issue is in my life, I must begin the grind of doing right again.  We want to remain in a state of selfish living, but we must get back up.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Finding hope again can be so hard.  Finding peace again might seem impossible until the moment you start to see it.  Please don't stop trying.  Make good choices starting today until the day you die.   

I believe that God has my best interest in mind.  I know that is not an easy thing to believe, but I assure you it is the truth.  God wants your best life for you.  Best life.  The BEST possible life.  Good decisions can be so hard, but they are ALWAYS worth it.  Every time. 

I took my nieces to church with me today and the message was on love.  Loving when you don't want to.  Loving those who have hurt you and let you down.  Loving your spouse when you feel like the love is gone.  Loving your children no matter what.  Love is an action word.  It is something we must do, even when our emotions do not call for it.  My niece cried at the end of the service as they sang a song about a father leading and loving his family.  She knows what she has missed.  She knows what she longs for.  She is such a lovely girl and I hope she will find her joy in the Lord. 

In the meantime I've let it go.  I've given it all to God.  Yes, I want to go on an insulting rampage and punch a couple of people in the face.  Of course I do, but only God can change us.  Only He can remove the blindness from our eyes and get us to our feet.  In the meantime, I speak life when and where I can.  I take the time to love on those who need it most.  I give God glory for putting me exactly where I am right now.  I must remember to sink my hands into the goodness He sets before me every single day. 

I just want to know you more, Lord.  Open my eyes to see those I can help.  Move my hands to do your work and keep my feet to your path.  Protect the hearts of the weak and do miracles in their lives.  Thank you for this life.  Thank you for hope in a God that I cannot see, and thank you for a story so great, ridiculous and wonderful to not believe. 

You are THE BEST. 


  1. Allison I know your pain all to much. Drug addiction has been a part of my family for years. As you state "I hate it". Don't know what else to say except that I understand how you feel. Sometimes you feel that you are the only one going through traumatic events, but you are not alone. Love you even though we haven't seen each other in years and love your family too. God bless you. Wayne D.

  2. Thank you, Wayne. We love you too. One of these days we'll get back to Hot Springs to see you. You are right, so many people have loved ones who struggle. Shoot, we all struggle with something.

  3. Love you A! Read this to my boys on the way to school (Luke was driving). Addiction goes beyond drugs and alcohol and your message can speak to many. Thanks for sharing your heart and such a powerful message for all of us.

    1. Love you too, K. I hope a story can matter. And Heidi is currently eating a fish sandwich from your establishment. She asked if Hope was there.

  4. thanks for posting. my posts are always short and sweet: "I'm one day closer to Heaven". all I can do is trust the guide - then no matter where you go - you're supposed to be there. I love you. Dad

  5. Dr. John Jenkins and Mrs. Patty Jenkins you have reared a lovely beautiful girl. I know you are proud of her. Wayne

  6. Drug addiction is painful for everyone. It destroys people & families. Only through Christ can anyone deal with. I learned to be thankful that God chose me to be the mother of an addict. It's a very tough journey but we are not alone. Lonette


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