Things move in slow motion lately. Not slow motion as I have time on my hands, but blurred like there is so much going on that I can't seem to focus on anything. I struggle to grab ahold of one thing while something else scrambles by and I remember I am needed elsewhere. All of this while life rushes headlong around me. It's suffocating, and it seems I haven't had a moment to rest in the worthwhile.
Tonight my heart was beating fast and I walked into the laundry room to the orchestral sounds of the washing machine playing a symphony of suds. I stopped to listen and it calmed me. Deep breath. Focus on the beating of my heart. Calm. Everyone is asleep now, so I head out to the playhouse to type. I'm literally in my kids' playhouse right now. Gabe ingeniously put a window unit and two LED lamps in here. It is the perfect office, just watch your head when you stand.
Most of my life I've questioned what God really wants from me. I'm good at a few things, but not great. I'm not really skilled. I mean, I can sew a curtain, but not really an outfit. I can coach someone through something, but I've never really lead a team.
My pastor, Randy Phillips, and friends, dished up a great series this month called, The Disciples; Unqualified but Chosen. It's about the men Jesus chose, who they were, what they did, and why He chose them. The series is interesting and I've enjoyed it, but it was something else Randy said today that really spoke to me. He said that Jesus was passionate. Full of zeal. A man's man. Strong and focused.
This may mean nothing to you and I'm sure I'm the last to see the Lord this way. As He explained what he meant, it really tugged at me. Like Magnus when he pulls on my pant leg when I won't pay attention to his jokes. Just a constant pulling at my heart. All day.
I have not given Jesus credit for who He is and what He did.
Dying on the cross, yes, this is incredible and the only reason for which I am saved. He rescued me. It is done. But something else. He was born for something. He got up everyday with the clothes on His back and went to work. He chose a team, gave them a task, knowing they would mess it up, and went from village to village until He knew that one day, the whole world would know. And we do. We may not choose Him, but we are able to. This is really incredible to me. I am so lazy.
I'm sure He was good at a few things, but God did not slap His hands as a child as He practiced the piano. He probably learned from His dad a thing or two about carpentry, and obviously learned from the men at the temple, but He was no scientist. (Not that scientists are that smart, if my husband ever reads this.)
I've always seen Him as passive. Just a lover of folks. A hugger. Friendly and kind. Not a go-getter. For heaven's sake He was God and He still prayed to God the father. He walked thousands of miles in His short lifetime and changed the course of history over a short 3 year period! We still not only talk and argue about the Guy, but also worship Him. He's been away for literally thousands of years and my kids know His theme song. This dude is amazing. He knew what He was doing. He had a plan and a goal. He was non stop, and it was good. He had no internet.
So where does this leave me? You and me? Us? You still have life in you. Unless something tragic happens, most of us have well over 3 years left. There has got to be something good we can do. Something I can say to 1 person to change the course of their history. God is with us. He is with you. And as for the skilled, if that's what you are, consider yourself chosen. You are chosen. Most people are winging it in this life, but you have been given a gift.
I needed to be challenged today. Actually about 15 years ago, but God chose today. I am going to make tomorrow and the next day mean something. I have a purpose, given to me by God who created me and knew me long before I was born. I've got to do something about it. I hope you will too.
I talked to a friend of mine tonight whose sister is addicted to drugs and she has 3 children. This really resonates with me for obvious reasons and I felt lead to encourage her tonight. God put her directly on my heart because I needed to be encouraged for the same reasons. We all need someone to remind us that we are not alone. God sees us where we are, and we are chosen for this life. It is a gift. Really bad things happen and I don't know why, but I know I have a choice. I choose to give others hope. I really need it, and when I get to a place where the darkness is closing in on me, I reach out. It is the best thing to do, because if I can get through the toughest moments, then maybe I can pull someone out on the other side.
If you are down, reach out to someone. We are all on this planet, floating through space and time, looking for answers. I choose to hope in God, not because it makes sense, but because He makes life good. Tonight I read a quote by Ann Voskamp, who is a stinking brilliant genius. She said, "I’d rather walk tall with a crutch than crawl around insisting like a proud and bloody fool that I didn’t need one." I need the Lord. You can call my love for Him a crutch if you like. The truth is, He holds me up. He just does.
Let me know what you decide.