Sex and Cabbage. How Do You See Yourself? (Being Set Apart in a Sex-Crazed Culture)

I can't sleep. It's 4:01 am. My mind is racing from an epidural steroid shot I had a few days ago.  I also ate almost an entire head of cabbage and it's just never a good idea. Hopefully I'll be wise enough not to publish this.                                                                            
                                                  Maybe, maybe not. 

Tonight my daughter asked me about some not-so-pretty family history involving sexual abuse. She is an open book and knows she can ask me anything. Lately the questions are getting exponentially more difficult and real. CRINGE. I love my kids so much. I want them to trust me for the truth. I would have never in a million years asked my mom this stuff. Sex was a taboo topic, but now it's everywhere. Pornography is sitting in the hands of every child old enough to hold a phone or iPad. It's a scary and confusing day when hard-core porn is played in the back of a school bus. I remember finding a stack of Hustler magazines in the woods as a child and thinking, "What in the heck is this?!" and feeling ashamed that I'd seen it. Imagine what 8 year old me would tell myself if that were in video form.  I hate this stuff. It's soul crushing.

I interviewed a friend a few weeks ago (find the video here and subscribe while you are at it. I need 100 followers to change the url so that it's easier to find by a group of young at heart women in East Texas who watch them together.  Just do it.) anyway. . . My friend was sexually abused for years by someone she trusted, depended on and looked to for love.  Her step-dad. Then she told her mom who did nothing. Her story is devastating. She was a little girl with no one to protect her. The video is the G-rated version of that story, mostly because of my discomfort in projecting her painful experience to a roomful of women. But this stuff is real, folks!  When she first shared her heart with me, she told me every painful detail. Just threw it on the table. I was shocked, mostly because she is a fully functioning, actually probably more healthy than most, human being, mother and wife (she's now a widow because her husband passed away from cancer. Just watch the video.).  Somehow she managed to make it to the other side of her evil father's manipulation.  Miracle. 

Sexual abuse in any form freaks me out. God created sex and it's an incredible thing. When it's abused, it's life altering. Often life ending. Her story of abuse is not uncommon. A few months ago I sat in a room with around 30 women with the same story, different details. The lasting pain from sexual immorality is real. They felt used, worthless, abandoned, forgotten and alone. Even decades later. The influence of pain takes over every thought and becomes an identity. Sex is a big deal, but today's culture says it isn't.       

So... I over think. How can I helicopter mom my kids enough to keep them from pain? From seeing things they shouldn't see? Can I possibly protect them? I'm just not sure it's possible.  Education is key, truth is key, helping them find self-worth in things that matter is everything. We are image bearers of God. Set apart. He knew us before we were born. 

Are these kids even listening?!!!!!  Maybe. 

When my daughter asked me why two people would film themselves having sex, I cringed. Why indeed? I told her how loved and valuable she is and how often people do not know their worth or even what makes them worthy. Adolescence has always been difficult to navigate. Sending or posting an inappropriate photo is just too easy, especially in this insta-fame culture. But you are worth so much more. And I'm not saying this just for my 8, 11 and 14 year old to hear. You too are worth so much more.   

The woman I interviewed was willing to share her horrific childhood with explicit honestly because she finds her worth in who God says she is. He calls us by name. He says we belong to Him. 

                                                We are strong, able, chosen, loved.          
                              We are fully known and seen.   


I've mentioned Proverbs 4:25-27 before, "Let your eyes gaze straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.  Do not turn to the left or to the right; keep your foot from evil." Don't look around at what everyone else is doing.  Live your own life with your eyes forward. If I look around, I feel like I can't make it. It's too easy to compare and lose hope, but If I set my sights on things ahead, keep my heart fixed on the Lord, and keep praying, I can do this. 

This is what I want my kids to know. Just because it is being done, doesn't mean you have to do it. 
                           
                     Set apart.  Chosen.  Be different for heaven's sake! 

I'm really trying with these kids of mine. Yet it feels like I'm not trying hard enough. I pray for them at night as I creepily stare at them while they are asleep. My 14 year old would wake up and punch me if she knew. I'm serious though. This culture is gross.  You better believe I'm in very serious talks with God about my kids. I can't keep them from pain or make decisions for them, but I can tell them who they are in Christ. I can tell them how loved they are. And I will hope against hope that they choose God as their mirror.